Become A Better Giver.
THE DAILY TITHE
btwn u&u
Imagine who you want to be..
is a mountain.
A distant mountain.
But imagine if everyday you could walk closer to yourself.
And on the days when things didn’t feel right, and you didn’t know what to do..
You stopped.
And thought about what would take you closer to you.
If you want to be your most generous self.
Today, it may be a distant mountain.
But everyday you can walk closer to you.
Should you be kind? Should you say no?
Should you give? Should you rest?
I don’t know, will it get you closer to your mountain?
Beyond Bars & Behind Belief
Willie Pearl & Wyatt Tee Walker
On April 15, 1963, a lawyer by the name of Clarence Jones traveled to a Birmingham Jail to visit Martin Luther King.
King, handing Jones scraps of paper, told him about a letter he had been writing. Jones snuck the paper scraps out of the jail and handed them to Wyatt Tee Walker, who gave them to his secretary, Willie Pearl Mackey King.
“The writing on the greasy sandwich wrappers was hard to make out.”
By any means necessary Martin wrote- on the paper his sandwiches came in, margins of newspapers, napkins, and toilet paper.
To make it worse, the scraps were not always in order.
“It was like a jigsaw puzzle. It was the worst thing I ever had to work on in my life.”
At worst the work was difficult.
At best it changed history forever.
How could your most difficult work can become your most precious gift..
for the world?
Our truth Our progress
Two men were walking to their church, when they noticed a man unable to walk being carried to the entryway.
They recognized him as the same man from the day before, and everyday prior. Everyday this man is carried to the gate of the church to beg of anyone entering.
Sure enough, as the beggar saw the two men approaching, he asked them for money. One of the men looked straight at the beggar and said..
“Look at us!”
“Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have, I give you.”
There is a lie that exist in society that says..
“If I don’t have any money, I do not have anything to give.”
Yet there is a truth that says..
“Everyone, (including you), has something to give, and if you are willing to offer it, it might change someone’s life forever.”
The lack of silver or gold is not as important as..
“But what I do have, I give you.”
You are stopped, not because of what you don’t have, you are stopped for not giving what you do.
What are you clinging to?
One day, when I was a little boy, I was standing in my parent’s bedroom. My mother, sitting on the edge of her bed..
“Man, I want to talk to you about something.”
I stood between her legs while looking up to her, as she looked down.
“Man, your father and I were talking..”
“You’re getting older now and it’s time we stop kissing on the lips.”
I’m not sure I knew what a heart was, but I was instantly heartbroken.
Sadness overwhelmed me.
Why?! Why!? Why?! Please!? Please?! Please!?
One last time?
I begged as if mom had never kissed me, as if I she’d never kiss me again.
I whined. I moaned. I complained.
I was angry and pouting.
Man, you’re getting older now, and it’s time I stop loving you.
That’s what I heard. That’s what I felt.
I thought it was the stupidest idea ever.
Why was dad hating?
When I noticed my words were not changing anything, I reached up for a kiss.
My mother tried to offer some solace by introducing me to kisses on the cheek, but that wasn’t good enough for me.
I leaped on my tippy toes, wrapped my little arms around her neck, pulled her down and stretched up for a kiss.
And then I thought maybe I could trick her.
“Ok mom, fine, a kiss on the cheek.”
My feet on top of her feet as I went in to kiss her on the cheek, but just before landing, I grabbed her face, one hand on each of her cheeks trying to move her face forward ~ my kinda kiss.
I was clingy. I was a momma’s boy. Everyone knew it.
Including my father.
But I wasn’t the first, nor will I be the last.
By nature, younger children are often clingy.
Which now makes me wonder, what exactly are they clinging to?
Or maybe, what do they believe they are clinging to?
A few years later my mother gave me my first lesson on giving and generosity, a lesson I still cling to today.
And now..
As I cling to generosity, generosity clings to me.
As I cling to love, love clings to me.
And as I cling to kindness, hope, and faith, ~ kindness, hope, and faith cling to me.
I guess I was right all along.
It was more than a kiss.
Who you are vs Who you could be
You got punished for things you didn’t do.
You didn’t get the grades you could’ve got.
You didn’t get into the schools you could’ve gotten into.
You didn’t make the money you could’ve made.
You wasn’t as healthy as you could’ve been.
If I had to compile a list of my mother’s lessons..
“Be careful who you spend your time with.”
Would rank at the top.
Who you’re around really really really matters.
Even at the the worlds most responsible company..
Patagonia noticed a change in cohesion when they moved different departments to different floors and buildings. When the CEO sat next to the environmental team, the CEO became more environmentally educated and committed. And when the environmental team sat next to marketing, their storytelling improved.
Everyday you get to decide, who will you sit next to?
Consider this as you do your life’s work.
P.S. Where do all the generous people sit?
Key to keeping the magic (anytime, anyplace)
No one is engaged. The group is too big.
We don’t work together. We have no bond.
There is too much bureaucracy.
How much is too much?
Juries have 12, so do tribal hunting parties, and army squads.
Anthropologist Robin Dunbar believes 150 to be the magic number for community cohesion.
The human brain can’t handle anymore relationships.
Some companies only put in 150 parking spaces whenever they build a new plant. When the plant exceeds that capacity, they build a new one.
Both Microsoft and Intel limit their buildings to 150 employees.
And some communal religious groups create a new community once they reach the magic number.
Yet for some, for example a military company, the magic number can be anywhere between 80-225.
Different things.
Different people.
Different magic numbers.
I guess what’s most important is knowing yours.
What is your too much?
When does the engagement stop?
What’s your magic number?
Everyone has one.
You are too generous not to be selfish
“You are always thinking about others, when do you think about yourself?”
When I go to bed at 10pm.
When I wake up at 6am.
When I began my day with prayer and scripture.
When I go for a morning walk or bike ride.
When I’m mindful of what I eat and drink.
When I write.
When I read.
When I go to church.
When I travel.
When I say no, and stay home.
When I sign up to learn something new.
When I prioritize time with family and friends.
Oh, trust me.
I am selfish.
I am always thinking about myself.
But I have to..
That is the only way I can be as generous as I hope to be.
Without those things I wouldn’t have the energy.
The joy to.
The know how.
I’d be lost. Unclear. I wouldn’t feel right.
So instead,
I choose to be selfish with myself, so I can be generous to others.
It fills me.
And when my cup is full.
Giving is easy.
Two closing questions.
They are one and the same.
Are you being selfish enough?
&
Are you being generous enough?
(Ask them in whatever order you choose.)
From Martin Luther King to Creators
Reading..
“Letter From A Birmingham Jail”
I notice something..
Something often taught by great creatives.
“Write to one person.”
“Smallest viable audience.”
But..
We love BIG.
We love LARGE.
BIG house.
LARGE bank account.
We want to reach the masses.
We want it to be for everyone.
8 billion people on earth, and this is for them all.
We swing for the fences.
We miss the ball.
We try to reach everyone and lose sight of who it’s for.
But Martin Luther King did something different.
He wrote “Letter From A Birmingham Jail” to eight clergymen.
That was his audience.
That was his home run.
But as it turned out..
He wrote so well (to his audience of eight), that the New York Post published his letter to the masses.
King then submitted it to The Christian Century and it was ran in their magazine.
In fact, the editor “asked King if he’d consider deleting the names of the eight clergymen“ to broaden the impact of your remarks as much as possible, since we are convinced they apply to all of us to a considerable degree.”
King agreed.
The letter was circulated to additional publications. “Churches distributed it among members, as it became almost instantly famous.”
And here we are, 60+ years later..
Reading..
“Letter From A Birmingham Jail”
Alongside millions of others.
Not because it was made for them, instead, because it wasn’t.
Made by one, (made for eight), eight to millions.
But don’t overlook the middleman.
Think about them..
The next time you are offering up your work.
Your focus is a gift.
For you & for others.
How to properly evaluate your generosity.
You hit a home run.
But you didn’t even know.
You allowed yourself to get tripped up, losing sight of what really happened.
Your giving won’t always be perfect.
Sometimes you’ll wonder..
Did I give too much?
Did I give too little?
Was it offensive?
Was it inappropriate?
Back and forth you’ll go.
In your head.
Losing sight of what really happened.
You tried your best. You tried to do the right thing. Your intentions were pure.
Worst case scenario, you learned.
You became a better giver.
Stop tripping.
You hit a home run!
Do you want to know?
My goal is to make 2024 my most generous year.
But I have a small problem..
2024 will not be my most generous year.
Unless 2024 is filled with my most generous days.
In the end..
Small will surprise me.
between yesterday and today
If you weren’t generous with yourself yesterday..
there is good news..
If you weren’t generous with others yesterday..
there is good news..
Yesterday ended last night.
But let’s say you were generous yesterday with yourself yesterday..
Let’s say you were generous with others..
The truth still remains..
Yesterday ended last night.
What will you do today?
Generosity won’t be ending anytime soon
Generosity will always exist.
Someone will let a stranger skip them in line.
A co-worker will share their lunch with a colleague.
A writer will finish the book they’ve been working on.
As long as there are living species, generosity will be there.
The only question is, will you be apart of it?
The Routine before the Reward Pt.2
When I wrote Part.1 I was thinking about the next generation of givers.
I was thinking about raising a generous generation.
What happens before matters.
Meaning..
What happens now matters.
And then my friend Felencia sent me this message..
“I had my daughter read this one. We have been working on fine tuning her morning and after school routine. Thank you for this!”
My thinking was not in vain.
Showing up as your most generous self.
That is the reward for having a good routine.
When I follow my routine, I am up early, I am energized, and I am writing this.
I am my becoming a better communicator, and I am aiding in raising the most generous generation.
Routine first. Reward after.
That’s what my mother was doing.
When she taught me tithing at 7 years old.
She was saying..
Routine first. Reward after.
She was preparing me to be my most generous self.
To be apart of the most generous generation.
Or maybe help raise it.
The routine she gave me was simple.
Every time you receive. You give.
I have experienced all the rewards.
And then there’s the reward on top of the reward..
A mother seeing her son sticking to a routine she gave him.
Watching what it does for him and for others.
And so if you’re a parent, maybe reading TDT might be worth adding to your child’s routine. Maybe it’ll lead to a discussion. Maybe it’ll lead to more connection. Or maybe it’ll lead to a reward, that far outlives you.
Routine first. Reward after.
Thanks Mom.
P.S. In case your child has their own email address, feel free to share with them. I’d love for them to be apart of the greatest generation of givers.
The Routine before the Reward.
For the last couple of weeks I’ve been working on my morning routine.
During my fine-tuning process, one of the things I’ve noticed, is how much my morning routine is impacted by my evening routine.
What happens before matters.
If I go to bed late.
Doomed.
If I eat late.
Doomed.
The day becomes weak.
And the weeks becomes months.
And the months become a year.
A year in which I did not getting better.
Routine first. Reward after.
I think generosity works in a similar way.
Before the moment.
At night I go to bed full of gratitude.
And when the morning comes..
How could I not be a more generous person?
This becomes my giving routine.
My before the moment.
In the midst of a giving opportunity, consciously, and sometimes unconsciously, your decision will be based on what came before.
How were you raised?
What beliefs were you taught?
What results have you seen?
Think of the most generous person you know, they didn’t magically wake up that way.
Their success is in the before moments.
Routine first. Reward after.
(You are not doomed.)
You probably didn’t know this, but..
Thinking about thanking..
It would be kind of weird if a newsletter about giving said nothing on Thanksgiving.
This is the day.
This is the point.
Voicing thankfulness is one of the best ways to give.
&
One of the best ways to say thank you is by giving.
When you express your gratitude, you are also offering someone else a gift.
At the same time.
When you give thanks you give.
You show what’s possible.
As you share your thankfulness someone is listening with their heart wide open.
That exists!!?
That’s possible!!?
You are pointing toward possibility.
Shining a light on what can happen.
Your thankfulness is proof of existence.
Think of something you’re thankful for..
Someone doesn’t even know it exists..
Your thankfulness is hope.
Your open heart is opening theirs.
A Dream.
Someone has been trying for the healed relationships you’re so thankful for.
Now they know it’s possible.
Thank you.
Someone was hoping that happy long lasting marriages still exist. All their life they’ve only seen divorce. But now they know it’s possible. They heard your thankfulness.
Thank you.
Someone thought they had to wait until they arrived at some financial status before they could become their most generous self. But then they heard you, thankful for your most generous year - even though you haven’t reached your financial goals yet.
Thank You.
It’s one thing for you to tell me something happened for you.
It’s another thing for me to witness you grateful...
Now I know it happened, because of your Happy Thanksgiving..
P.S. I’m thankful for you, the reader. Who also doubles as the giver.
As I share with you, you share with me, and we share with others.
It’s possible to build community and connection online.
You are proof.
Thank you.
Bakery Bonds True Friends
A few days ago I attended a webinar hosted by the Baker’s Journal. The guest speaker was my buddy Mark Dyck.
Back when I was a student in The Story Skills Workshop, Mark was the Head Coach. Shortly after joining the coaching staff, I messaged Mark to see how I was doing. Mark shared nothing but amazing things, and encouraged me to continue to be myself.
His advice must've worked. Mark and I went on to coach in five sessions together before our roles reversed and I was the Head Coach. And as always, Mark was right there to help.
True Friends..
Also the name of a contest Mark ran at Orange Boot Bakery.
A bakery he owned alongside his wife Cindy.
True Friends..
Went something like this..
Anyone who made a purchase at the Bakery (between the dates given) was eligible to enroll.
Once the entry period ended, three winners were picked.
If you were one of the winners you received a basket filled with fresh bread.
Once you finished you gave the basket to your very best friend who would then bring the empty basket back to the bakery to be refilled.
Your best friend would do the same for their best friend, and on and on, this act of generosity would continue for one year.
How many baskets can we fill?
That was the question.
How many gifts can we give?
How much generosity can we spread?
How many connections can we make?
How much community can we foster?
True Friends..
Pass it along.
You can be who you want to be
You want to be happy.
You want to live a successful life.
You want your life to be significant.
Fulfilled.
To be known that you are here.
And after..
To be known that you were here.
And still felt..
Yes, you do.
You feel it right now.
You hope others will too.
It’s important to you..
A person of value.
Of importance.
Yes, it is.
This can’t be just another life.
Not yours.
Not you.
You can’t afford to waste creation.
Nor time.
No, you can’t.
John Maxwell..
“Selfish people aren’t happy people. They’re not fulfilled people. Selfishness and significance is incompatible. Significance is all about others. Selfishness is all about me. You can not give what you do not have. So you gotta have it to give it. But the problem is so many people have it, but they don’t give it. They don’t have a mindset to serve mankind. They just serve themselves. I’ve met a lot of unhappy successful people. I have never in my entire life met a person of significance that was unhappy. You show me somebody that is living their life for others and I’ll show you a very fulfilled person.”
So be happy.
Be fulfilled.
Be significant.
Be about others.
Give what you have.
Serve mankind.
Be successful.
&
Lastly, and often missed, sometimes, selfish, is the most unselfish thing.
That's my time.
Only you can start you
If you want a Kelly or Birkin bag you might be able to add your name to Hermès’s six year waiting list.
Wait..
Before you get your hopes up, Hermès has a ranking system that gives priority to previous clients.
(Don’t quote me on this, but I’ve heard Ferrari follows the same model.)
And recently I took a 5 day drawing class that was required before I took any of their 1 day drawing classes.
(This is sounding very college prerequisites.)
Yet, in our hands we have the beauties of giving.
Only you can stop you.
No waiting list & No prerequisites.
It’s already yours.
Wait..
Maybe there is one.
At least for the type of giving I’m referring to.
The kind that changes you.
You don’t have to wait to give.
You have to want to give.
For the right reasons.
So if you’ve been waiting..
Only you can start you.
It’s yours.
You can start small
Their bags have been worn by Queens, Princesses, and some of the most famous and wealthy people in the world.
But it wasn’t until 1922 that Hermés began taking the idea of producing and marketing handbags seriously.
85 years after the company was founded.
The idea came from Julie Hermès, the wife of Émile Hermès.
After hearing his wife’s bag complaints, Émile created one for her.
The handbag was a success and in 1925 a line of travel bags followed.
Which reminds me of Josh Wardle, knowing how much his partner loved word games, he created a word game for her enjoyment.
Shortly after..
Wardle sold Wordle to the New York Times for a seven figure amount.
“This is definitely how Josh shows his love.” - His partner, Ms. Shah
What about you?
How do you show your love?
A criteria you can try:
Skills to create..
something for someone..
you love..
that is also a useful gift for others.
What skills do you have?
What can you create?
Who would you give it to?
In both stories each gift was made for one, before it was given to all.
Which means..
you can start small.
Who is your one?
We need to feel you
Charles sent me a message yesterday.
He said it was urgent.
And so I opened..
“Giving Season is here.”
My first thought..
“Aren’t we always in giving season?”
To ourselves and/or others?
What about..
Better Giving Season is here..
or
Giving Better Season is here..
To ourselves and others.
You know how you’re so used to doing something, you forget to evaluate how well you’re doing it?
If it’s always giving season, yet we never evaluate our giving..
No wonder our giving becomes mundane.
Boring. Regular. Casual.
Same old. Same old.
It doesn’t change anyone, or anything.
Point taken.
We give regularly. ✅
Our giving is as casual as putting on a pair of khakis. ✅
Some old tricks still work. ✅
Yet, we’re not in the clear if our giving is boring, regular, casual, or old.
It doesn't pay just to give..
Our giving deserves..
New. Exciting. Fresh. Better.
And since there is always room for better, so too will our giving be..
P.S. If Charles Schwab was right about anything - the message of giving is urgent.